Our Framework

Ugh. There are some feelings that kind of suck to experience. We feel uncomfortable. Uneasy. Disjointed. Because these feelings indicate that something we’re experiencing in an important relationship is off.

The feelings themselves aren’t bad. Or good. They’re just feelings: reactions to things that we experience. Some of our experiences leave us with missed connections or ruptures. When this happens, we may experience one of the reactions named later on this page. If we can identify the feeling–really name it–our brains can better wrap our minds around the feeling, help make sense of our experience, and help hold and “right-size” the feeling and experience.

Often, when we think of some of the feelings we try to avoid, we may think of sadness, anger, fear, indifference, confusion, shame, overwhelm, or discontent. Many of these are feelings in and of themselves, and also act as umbrella feelings, where underneath that umbrella, there exists a lot of nuance. Perhaps think of sadness as an example–someone can feel sad, disappointed, depressed, grief-stricken, or melancholy. Each of these has a slightly different nuance. And that nuance can be important as a person’s brain seeks the word that best resonates or describes the person’s experience in that moment.

This page lists many of the feelings that describe what a person can experience during a time of rupture, missed connection, or trauma. We categorized the feelings (there is some overlap) and then listed the feelings uncategorized and alphabetized. The definitions are adapted from Dictionary.com.

You are not alone in experiencing these feelings. We can wrap our minds around them, make sense of our experiences, and remember that we’re more than this shitty feeling and experience.