Communication is essential in any relationship. In the first couple of years, even while kids are learning how to speak, crying is an important way to communicate. Holding your baby; letting them know that you’re with them; and helping describe what you think your baby might be experiencing (even before your baby can talk) can help build an environment of trust, love, and support.

Mom or Dad, it’s actually healthy for your relationship with you baby if they occasionally see you cry, too.

Have you noticed a baby reach a phase where they start to cry when their primary caregiver leaves the room? The baby might be feeling sad and afraid. And this could indicate the baby’s brain is beginning to set the foundation for long-term memory. When the parent leaves, the baby might feel sad or afraid because now the baby can remember the parent being in the room with them.

Human brains have a type of cell called “mirror neurons.” Mirror neurons respond equally, whether we’re doing an action ourselves or watching someone else do that action (like feeling our own skin crawl when we see a spider on someone else’s arm). Neuroscience indicates that mirror neurons are involved in feeling empathy. Mirror neurons are active in babies who are just days old.

Mirror neurons can work both ways and light up in our own brains as adults. Understanding facial expressions can be an important way for babies and children to communicate. If your baby is crying and you go to comfort them, you may want to take a couple of seconds to mirror a sad expression on your face before shifting into a comforting or “we’ve got this” facial expression. This can help communicate to your baby that you understand that their experience in this moment is difficult–and then your shift in expression can help your baby shift, too.

Is a young person asking for help with a task they already know how to do? It might be that young person’s way of saying they have a need for connection or safety or attention. It’s okay to help sometimes. And it’s okay to be right next to them while they do it themselves, with loving presence and a gentle nudge.

Do you have a budding chef on your hands? A carpenter? A teacher? The newest member of Paw Patrol?

Role play can help your child develop important skills to navigate through life: communication; creativity; imagination; empathy; and problem-solving skills. Join in when you can–you might find that role playing with your child sparks your imagination, creativity, communication, empathy, and problem-solving, too!

Whining can be part of a toddler’s communication package. It can be a way for a young person to communicate that they have a need for connection or help. It can also be an indication that the child feels tired or hungry or overwhelmed or sad. For the toddler, in that moment, it all might be Just. Too. Much. (Fabulous parent, perhaps you can understand those moments when it all feels overwhelming, too?)

It’s totally understandable if you want to take a moment to pause and breathe, wonderful parent. This could be a great time to practice being curious about what your child is feeling underneath the whining. And, when you have some thoughts about what might be happening underneath that soundtrack of whining, maybe even ask your child, “I wonder if you’re feeling x, y, or z?”

Is your child asking, “Why?” Your child is able to express a curiosity about the world! Your child’s brain still processes information in a literal way, so short answers will probably be more easily understood. And get ready: your child might follow-up your answer with another why!

While toddlers and preschoolers have rich play lives based in fantasy and imagination, early school-age children tend to develop world views that are more based in reality than fantasy. There can still be a lot of imagination involved in play; it tends to incorporate more elements of reality.

You may notice that your child is drawing conclusions or making assumptions about how the world is. Your child’s brain has developed the ability for inductive reasoning, one way that a brain thinks logically. Inductive reasoning is the brain’s ability to make general conclusions based on specific data. The data children draw upon is likely to be their life experiences.

Here’s one example of how this might unfold: your child doesn’t want to go to their friend’s house. Every time they go there, they sneeze and get a runny nose. Your child’s friend has a cat and your child’s brain has made the connection that their friend’s cat = an unpleasant allergic reaction.

Your child may have reached a brain development point of sociocentricity, understanding that other people have needs and feelings, too. Your child might have a deeper level of understanding if you’re feeling tired or sick.

There’s a physics principle called conservation, essentially understanding that something physical has the same quantity, even if you change its appearance. At this brain development stage, children are likely to understand that if you take a piece of candy and cut it into 3 pieces, you still have the same amount of candy (before this stage, children would likely see the multiple pieces of candy and think, “Yay! More candy!”).

At this phase, a person’s brain is likely to think in concrete, physical terms. The “what” of the matter might be at the forefront of how the child’s brain is understanding the world.

Research indicates that by the time a child is 6 years old, their brain has grown to about 90-95% of adult size. While that’s a lot of structural growth, a person’s brain will go through a lot of remodeling before it can function like an adult brain. It will still be many years before the parts of the brain responsible for impulse control, critical thinking, abstract thinking, and other types of adult brain functioning come fully online.

During adolescence, a person’s brain is likely to develop an increased ability for critical thinking and grasping complex issues. Instead of focusing on “what,” a person’s brain may also focus more on “why” and “how.”

And this is where I belong.

Part of brain development during adolescence involves exercising autonomy and identity as a young adult. This may include developing and defining a belief system that may include values that were introduced by people outside of their immediate family. As a person’s brain hones their identity, they may question their parents’ beliefs.

It might be helpful to remember that–even at a nervous-system level–people long for a sense of belonging. This need may come up for you, too, as your child further develops their identity.

There’s a part of the brain called the amygdala, which is associated with emotions, instinctive behavior, and impulses. There’s also a part of the brain called the prefrontal cortex, which is associated with rational thought and logical reasoning. Research indicates the prefrontal cortex isn’t fully developed until a person is in their mid-20s. Because the prefrontal cortex is still developing, the teenage brain might rely on the amygdala to make decisions more than adult brains do.

Human brains long for a sense of belonging. Belonging and a sense of safety and intricately related.

As a person in their teenage year’s brain continues to develop an identity outside of their immediate family, experiencing a sense of belonging with friends can take on an increased importance. Your child’s friends likely matter very deeply to them.

At this stage of brain development, a person may be better able to pick up on another person’s verbal and non-verbal emotional cues. This can still be an important time to talk about and name your child’s feelings and needs, as well as your own or other people’s. You might find that, on the occasions your child wants to discuss their feelings, you can have these conversations in a deeper, more nuanced way. Especially if you can show up and hold space for your child’s experience first.

Okay, it’s common in our culture to hear about people in their teen years having mood swings. If you’ve had someone respond to you feeling sad or angry by saying you’re just hormonal or having a mood swing, we’re guessing it probably didn’t land well. Because it probably landed like a dismissal or rejection of your feelings and experience.

Our brains (and bodies) feel all the feels. A teenager’s brain is going through major remodeling, and the amygdala (involved with emotions) is still very active. A teenager’s brain and body are also experiencing new levels of hormones. At this brain development phase, the feelings might feel more intense. And, as a teenager’s brain works for more autonomy, they may desire privacy and space to manage their inner experience.

A person’s brain goes through significant remodeling during the teenage years. Connections in the thinking and processing part of a person’s brain are either strengthened or “pruned” away if they’re unused. This helps a brain become more efficient.

Research indicates this pruning process happens at the back of the brain, ending with the prefrontal cortex (involved with problem solving, impulse control, planning, and thinking about an action’s consequences). The prefrontal cortex generally experiences this efficiency-making process when a person is in their early/mid-20s.

There’s a neurobiological concept called “neuroplasticity.” Neuroplasticity is the brain’s ability to reorganize itself by forming new connections.

Adult brains can be remodeled and change, too. There are deeper grooves and more interconnected entanglements than with children’s brains, so there can be more to piece through. But adults have more life experience and context to draw upon than children, and can also access the logical centers of their brains. Adults can create new brain connections while reshaping old connections.