Our Framework

When you look at someone else’s child, what do you see? A stranger? A nuisance? A danger? A potential friend for your child? A young person learning how to navigate this beautiful, messy, complicated world, just as you and your child are learning how to navigate it, too?

How we see other people’s children will impact how we respond to the children.

Sarah Hrdy, an anthropologist and primatologist, writes on what she refers to as Alloparenting (allo is the Latin root word for “other”). Alloparenting is, in essence, when someone other than the biological parent takes care of someone else’s babies or children. Hrdy argues that sometime before the genesis of the sapient brain (which characterizes homo sapiens) and the distinctively human traits of language, a line of apes in Africa emerged that began to be invested in the mental and subjective lives of other apes. This capacity did not exist in their chimpanzee relatives. These apes faced intense challenges of disease, starvation, and high mortality rates. The vulnerable little apes needed their mothers and others–fathers, siblings, aunties, uncles, and (if lucky) grandmas–to make it through.

Our world is different than what our hominid ancestors experienced, but our human experience involves threats to physical safety and mental well-being. Imagine a child raised with a loving cornucopia of adults who hold a diverse array of talents and paths and dispositions. With alloparenting–caring and investing in children who are not our “own”–we offer them an expanded imagination; a sense of belonging; and a path towards empowerment.

We can choose to be those safe, loving adults. We can choose to listen to the children in our lives. We can choose to care. We can choose to delight in the young people in our lives.