Our Framework
It’s all about the brain–and relationships.
Human babies are dependent on their parents more intensely and for a longer time frame than any other species. Horses walk minutes after birth. Baby sea turtles hatch on sand and clamber solo to the water. In contrast, our babies lean not on legs for survival but attachment.
“There are four S’s of secure attachment: safety; seeing; soothing; and security.” –Dr. Dan Siegel
If babies have attachment figures who reliably keep them safe and attend to their needs, that little human baby uses its energy to do other things—like explore its world, turn over, and delight in the expressive faces of its human attachments. If the baby does not have reliable, safe, and connected attachment figures, the child brilliantly adapts to survive—in ways that often have cost for the child’s flourishing, growth, and relationships.
Check out this video for a bit more information about how attachment can impact our experience of ourselves and our relationships with other people.
Let’s Do This Thing Together
Creative Expression: Tag! You’re it!
Hey there, wonderful parent and person in your own right.
Let’s think and feel a little more deeply about attachment.
We invite you to try out the following (or whatever part(s) resonate with you):
- In this exercise, we’re going to hold some space with ourselves. Now is a great time to get into a comfortable position. You might want to take a couple of minutes to close your eyes and focus on your breathing. This will be your time and your space and we invite you to feel into your center.
- Take 2 or 3 minutes to remember what it was like to play tag when you were a kid. Do you remember feeling excited? Energized? Happy? Gleeful? Did you also maybe feel nervous at times? Anxious? Afraid of being tagged? Embarrassed? We invite you to sit with those feelings that young you experienced.
- Now think about a time when you played tag and made it to “base” without getting tagged. Do you remember (or can you imagine) what you experienced when you made it to base? Perhaps you felt relieved? Safe? Triumphant? Comforted?
- Do you remember (or can you imagine) playing tag when there wasn’t a base? In this game, you had to constantly be alert to avoid being tagged. Could you have felt exhausted? Confused? Alarmed? Uneasy? Nervous? Numb? Dread?
- Did you ever play tag with kids who changed the rules part-way through the game? Imagine a game where base moved to a different place whenever you got to base and started to relax. How might you feel? Angry? Disheartened? Overwhelmed? Fatigued? Unnerved? Mystified?
- Imagine that safe base again–in a fixed, consistent space, maybe under a nice big shady tree on a pleasantly warm sunny day. Let’s even add some yummy snacks there–you can have as much as you like. We invite you to take a couple minutes imagining yourself in this space, friend. You are safe. You can rest. You have what you need to regroup before you have to navigate the world again. You can be here. And, here, you can just be.
- Look up some information about the different styles in attachment theory. Are there links you can think of with our exercise in playing tag?
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