Our Framework
Friend, you make sense. You are not alone. We got you.
We humans are social beings. We are impacted by the people around us, even at a neurobiological level. Our brains and nervous systems talk with to one another, even if we aren’t actively speaking. Have you ever been around someone who had nervous or agitated energy and you felt your body tense up? Or have you been around a loved one who seemed calm and at ease and you noticed your body relax? Your nervous system was responding to theirs.
While humans are social beings with a need to experience connection, we’re also unique. Our experiences are our own. Felt by us. Understood by us. We share some similarities with other people (sometimes even many similarities), but no one else embodies our brains and minds or has shared all of our exact experiences in life. I am uniquely me. You are uniquely you.
Some experts refer to this “MWe.”
What’s in a word?
Trauma & Post-Traumatic Growth
The word trauma comes from the Greek word for “wound.” A traumatic event is an experience where a person thinks they could die or is an experience so overwhelming that it is incomprehensible (the person’s mind is unable to make sense of what happened in a coherent, chronological way). The brain’s primary objective is to keep a person alive. So when a person is confronted with an experience that is incomprehensible or where the person thinks they could die, the brain directs its resources to keep that person alive.
There is a lot of documented research that indicates a person can experience trauma when there’s a threat to their physical safety and well-being. There is also growing research that indicates a person can experience trauma when there is a threat to their social status and belonging. A person’s brain may experience a threat to social status equal to a threat of physical safety.
Humans experience a neurobiological need to belong. When this need is consistently unmet, our minds and bodies may experience this lack of belonging as a threat to our safety and well-being.
But when people experience a sense of belonging…well, that need to belong that is met can help a person become more resilient, even if the person has experienced significant, sustained physical and emotional trauma.
People can experience Post-Traumatic Growth. Post-Traumatic Growth is a theory that describes that people who experience psychological distress after traumatic events can also experience new growth. People can live fully. Joyfully. With health and well-being. People can experience new and renewed belonging.
Let’s Do This Thing Together
Creative Expression: Charting the Pathways to Experience Belonging
Hey there, wonderful parent and person in your own right. Let’s listen in to what we experience when we feel a sense of belonging.
We invite you to try out the following (or whatever part(s) resonate with you):
- Get some art supplies; we’re going to create our own treasure maps of belonging! Paints, pencils, pens, crayons, paper, scissors, magazines…choose the supplies that are calling your name.
- Using the supplies you chose, create an image of a home where you would feel safe, understood, and at ease being yourself. The home can look however you want and can be wherever you want. (And if it looks like a toddler drew it, that’s fine too! We’re going for a pure, open process, not artistic perfection.)
- Take 5 – 10 minutes to think about a time when you felt a sense of belonging or imagine what it would be like to feel a sense of belonging. What would experiencing a sense of belonging feel like in you? Would your body feel relaxed? Invigorated? What would you experience in your body? What feelings do you think you would experience? (You may want to check out the feelings when there is connection and needs are met page.) Consider writing these feelings in or around the image of the safe, loving home you created.
- Take another 5 – 10 minutes to think about the time you felt a sense of belonging or the experience you imagined. Who was with you and how did they show up to help you experience a sense of belonging? Did the person seem present? Did they really listen to you? What needs did they help you experience? (You may want to check out the needs page.) Consider writing these needs as a pathway or road or river that leads to the image of the safe, loving home you created.
- Bonus: wondering if other people are experiencing belonging. Check out the video header at the top of this page. You may even want to watch it a couple of times. Do you get the sense that some of the children are experiencing a sense of belonging? Do you get the sense that some of the children aren’t experiencing a sense of belonging in this video clip? Does this fit in with or challenge your assumptions about who would feel like they fit in? What are some ways that you can show up with the children in your life to cultivate their sense of belonging with you?
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