Being Pivotal People

Decades of neuroscience indicate that the healthiest, safest relationships are built on secure relationship patterns. Dr Dan Siegel, clinical psychologist and founder of the field of Interpersonal Neurobiology, speaks of “S’s” of secure relationship patterns: safety; seeing; soothing; security; and sensemaking. But, for children who are sexually abused or who experience other forms of abuse, neglect, and trauma, another set of “S’s” often exist: scanning for safety; secrecy; separation from self and other people; shame; and simultaneous systemic oppression.

These S’s (of secure relationships and child sexual abuse) speak of patterns in relationships—not of inherent characteristics of people themselves. What we’ve found in our work with survivors and with participants in the Being Pivotal People curriculum is that, with integrated information, practiced tools, and supportive community, people can move towards secure attachment patterns in their relationships with themselves and other people in their lives. Each Being Pivotal People session focuses on one (or sometimes two) S’s of child sexual abuse, as well as secure attachment patterns. Being Pivotal People co-facilitators integrate mindfulness practices, community-building, voices from survivors, informative lessons about the S’s, and reflection activities. Together, we individually and collectively break down the S’s so we can have more freedom, clarity, and choice in maneuvering through our relationships with ourselves and our loved ones.

While Being Pivotal People is rooted in our work with adult survivors of child sexual abuse, anyone can practice the neuroscience of trauma, resilience, relationship, and language. In fact, our work to help create a world where all children are safe and loved depends on everyone, not just survivors. Our goal is to make the neuroscience readily accessible and to create communities of care where people can practice the neuroscientific tools together.

Being Pivotal People Courses:

Who You Are Matters sets the stage for being together. We’ll be playing with and practicing belonging with differentiation.

Making Sense of Our Experiences & Stories is a space for participants to understand why sensemaking is important for children’s well-being and to deepen sensemaking of our own stories and experiences.

Moving Towards More Wholeness is a space for participants to understand why being safely seen is important for children’s well-being and to deepen our ability to move towards more wholeness.

Seeing with Our Hearts is a space for participants to explore a sense of separation from self and other people and to practice seeing with sturdiness, safety, and empathy.

Seeing Children with Humility, Wonder & Respect is a space for participants to explore ways that our culture and structures have seen (and continue to see) children and to practice seeing all children with our hearts.

Providing Safety is a space for participants to explore that people have needs and ways that we can create safer spaces by acknowledging, understanding, and meeting people’s needs.

Soothing is a space for participants to explore the biology and impact of shame, and to practice naming needs and experiencing soothing.

Nurturing Seeds of Soothing is a space for participants to explore cultural sexual attitudes and shame, and to practice naming needs and experiencing soothing.

Repair is a space for participants to explore and practice repair after ruptures.

Tending & Growing the Circle is a space for participants to explore and further integrate what we have learned and practiced together.